and i stand there like a soldier

with my foot upon its chest.




so last night we learned in cell
about offensive and defensive thinking.
i gotta start balancing em out!
maybe ill be successful that way xD
actually im pretty sure i will.
otherwise it wouldnt have been taught.

phone.

so lunch is at 12.
and i was texting my friend beavis in haughptmanns class talking bad about haughptmann.
LOL.
so, at 11:57, mr. haughptmann saw my phone on my lap.
and took it away T___T
woow.
xD
i guess its what i get for talking bad.
hahahaa.
i should know better than that ):
but yeah.
so i went to go see mr. jacks afterschool and the FIRST warning is a DETENTION.
so now i have detention next wednesday.
i should relly think before i act!

walk

this way.
aerosmith.


hahaha so like i think the weirdest thing that happened was that i accidently kissed aimee today when we're trying not to kiss.
hahahah.
T____________T
it was accidental!
and in elmores class too!
i forgotteded ):
i couldnt believe it.
but i guess it was my test.
galatians 6:1!

so yeah hahaha.
other than that everything was all good
we had late start and i ate about a lb of bacon for breakfast and an apple (:
and yeah!
here i am
xD
matt just left my house and yeah.
we were perfecting our song.

late start.

so aimee told me to be there 8:20
and she comes at 9ish T____T
i still need to get used to the filipino timing of the filipino ppl xD
theyre always on there own time and end up being late!
that was the lesson form my friend christian hernando haahha
welli got really bad allergies today
cuz we played football for pe ):<
i hate football.
hahaha thats right.
i hate football xD
and 5th period was really bad cuz my allergies from football
i couldnt even pay attention and my nose was all stuffeded
well i brought my guitar to school
which was kinda boring hahaha
coming back home after getting picked up my dad got the report
and i got all a's and b's!
woot (:
hahahaha.
and now im just really hungry hahaha.
thinking about walking to tacobell cross street my house..hmm.

purify my heart

cleanse me from my sin


so like im still sick T____T
school was cwaaaaaazy!
alg2 teacher taught properties of logarithms
and i was like
o_______________________________o
well,
ive really been blessed today ^___^
and tested from the Word ive read.
especially uhm
philippian 4:8
and galations 6:1

hahahaa. well i got a new capo and bought a new Bible
so i can pass down the old one i have to aimee, since her Bible is only the new testament with psalms and proversb >_____<
and then i bought this book called the five people you meet in heaven.
its a fiction about this guy named eddie.
not gonna say anymore.
its just really good.
not long either.
i also bought the book the curious case of benjamin button hahaha.
hopefully ill be able to finish these.
cuz i still have to finish dracula, michael phelps autobio, bigg russ & me and yeah hahaa.

throat.

so last night i had to eat with relatives
most disturbing thing ever.
my uncle was dating his girlfriend there.
and cousin brought his girlfriend there.
my parnets were joking aroound alot.
and i didnt feel well T____T
my throat was hurting alot alot alot alot alot!
and then after the dinner i was so tired and i was just about ready to drop dead.
and then they took me to a karaoke place ):
im not even filipino!
so in the end i went to my cousins house nearby (a dif one)
yes (:<
i watched slumdog milliondare with my cool uncle
it was such a good movie omg...
and then i told my friend mels about it this morning
it was gnarly
and hmm. im still singing refiners fire in the shower xD
im just afraid i might get tired of it soon ):
and yeah hahahah.well God is still continuing to bless me in my life.
i love Him (:
i watched the trailer for passion of the Christ on youtube and almost cried btw T____________________________________________T
i went something like...oooohhhwaAAaAAAaAaaAAAaaaaAAAAAAaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

friends.

in order to have a good friend.
you must take the initiative to be the good friend yourself.
hahaha.
i screwed up between me and my friend matt and im sorry about that.
funny thing is yesterday at cell group we learned about these things.
but these things happen for a good purpose.
good reason.
to grow.
shake off some things.
so He can place me where i need to be.

wooooow.

so this morning i decided to straighten my hair.
and then it rained.
T_____________________T
woooooow.
all that for nothing.
ahaha it got curly again
and then i looked like dirty skater xD
or iono. i looked like somehting.
just not clean and neat hahaha.
well me and my friend matt finished a song.
so now we just need to perfect singing and playing it.
we're working on another song now.
but he has strep throat right now ):
so yeah.








now if i could swim.
id swimout to you in the ocean.
swim out to where you are floating
in the dark.


well im off to cell group again!
ill leave my testimony after its done.

man.

ive never relly eaten chocolate or liked sweet my entire life.
and this morning before school i really wanted something to eat.
so i grabbed a crunch and ate it.
woooow...
now i know why they say the time of the month is as if girls r on a whole bucket of chocolate.
never.eating.chocolate.again.
it gets me to be needy and wanting to be close with someone.
especially when i hugged jeffrey afterschool for like 2 minutes straight of him trying to get out of my super bear hugs xD
so one hting i learned today.
chocolate: tastes bad, hella fattening, and it gets yer hormones acting funny.
i even wanted to give michael a bear hug for like 30 minutes. no homo.
but i dunno. the wonders of endorphins.
-___________________________________-
well i've been really getting into worship songs and slow acoustic songs lately.
relly weird hahaha.
afterschool i even sang some with aimee.
i sang to her bed (luckily my sidekick had internet to check up the lyrics while she wasnt looking xD)
and uhm..i want it that way, and that one n*sync song, and refiners fire.
oh and so sick too.
hahaha.
weird day.
gotta thank God for everything ^_______^
He was amazing to me today.
my dad dropped me off at a restaraunt after school even and made me walk back home cuz he was tired.
so im glad i was even kept safe. (:

booboo

so like today at pe i jumped up onto this ledge. and i missed. and it cut both my legs pretty bad. it was bleeding quite some. and i just put my jeans right over them too hahaha. i hope i dont get an infection.
so like...lobsters. xD
hahahaa. i dont get the thing about lobsters.
sometimes im told or am being given a complaint about others. and then i see a lobster do the same thing.
please dont do that u lobsters!
but i guess were all lobsters arent we?
in different ways whether we realize it or not.
for src we still had a sub.
since its a new semester hahaha.
the sub mr demonico made us write an essay on who we admire and why.
i was gonna put God. but i was afraid i wouldve gotten in trouble.
but dangit i shouldnt be ashamed ):
but i put John Mayer and how he released no such thing.
and witing on the world to change. the htings happened in his life with the bittersweet song daughters. hes a very smart person. try to learn a bit and if you play guitar u know? try to expand some stuff off his stuff. it helps.


so like i just realized one thing i really dislike.
when random people add you on myspace ahahaa.
it just like hit me.
whats the point?
sorry.
Jacoby says its great for networking and knowing people in the future
but its not like youll see them and theyll help you out with cash or a job or something.
i should start putting my profile on private and stuff.

test.

so like today was a big test for me hahaha.
after all the things thats happened.
i finally see aimee.
its amazing cuz all these things happened over aim and the phone and stuff hahaha.
well i go to school and i guess everythings sorta the same.
just no kissing or anything.
but thats fine with me ^_____^
unlike her. its time.
so its like shes on a whole bucket of chocolate everyday so yeah hahaha. sowie! xD
well i got my finals grade.
i was the best group for my english final, and got an a on the test before it too, and i only end up with an 83 ): as my overall grade.
for algebra II i got an 85 as my final grade. which is better than my previous like 79%
ahahha and chem. dangit. it lowered my b+ to a b T___T
the rest were a's though
which were comp apps, and of course, pe.
my pe teacher today was like pmsing though.
hes usually really chill and mellow, but its a small class of like 15 now or less
and all the real like supposedly "cool" people and athletic people transferred out.
im just the "lomg haired guy"
hahahaaha. i guess thats why hes pissed. he got mad at like the entire class except for the girls.
but its okay. my friend says hes just mad cuz his wife wasnt dtf last night.
which sorta seems to make sense.
well like Beavis said,
thank Jesus ^____^
today was a good day


currently playing: miserable at best-mayday parade

when You are with me...

im free.

So everythings all good now sorta hahaha.
talked on the phone with Aimee again. hahaha.
ouch! kick in the nuts.
but i shouldnt let feelings take care of me.
lean not on your own understanding.
we mostly trust our feelings.
but what happens when those feelings go away you know?
thats why love isnt a feeling.
sacrifice.
God...wow youre so amazing.
John 3:16/
ahahah dang i just felt like wanting to cry.
i guess sacrificng all the lust me and aimee had.
was the right thing to do.
tolead a Godly relationship.
just building each other up and yeah ahhaa.
its kinda funny now. cuz i sorta look up to her now.
in the course of one day.
she followed what God taught her through me.
and wow its just crazy.
now im the one being spat verses experiences and stuff at.
but i like that. what i need for me to grow.
so ill try my best t not let feelings get the best out of me.
cuz i really felt like posting this.
looking at the new default.
by ourselves.
hahahahaa oh well.
when Job's wife told Job why he basically still loved god and stuff and how Job shouldnt because God allowed the devil to test him.
Job basically told her, so youre saying to only praise God when He is giving you things? and blessing you?
shoot i learned this the hard way.
i know everythign that is spoken in cell.
were gonna be tested on.
cuz when Beavis said this, it wasn;t like the main thing he was teaching but,
i learned i gotta take everything in. not just the main things.
cuz theyre all as equally important.
we'll be tested on everything
spoken there.
praise God whether or not He's still blessing you.
in the midst of problems rejoice (philippians 4:4)
becasue your know after every problem theres a promise.
blessing after every storm.
testimony after a test.

Godly relationship.

is the one between me and aimee ^___^
we dont consider it a breakup.
upgrade foolio!
keep the lusting out the relationship cuz sin results in death!
hahaha. its nice God worked through me to make aimee a great person in God now.
wow did she grow alot in God from when i first met her.
it amazes me...she uses what i taught her.
back at me.
when i was down. its..crazy..hahaha.
i happy God gave me this experience. i love you God ^___^
yaay!
hahahaha. earlier. i was just making a song with my friend matt. got the lyrics down. hahaha.
wow ima hate singing this now.

Well, I guess, this, is, where we, must part.
I, leave, my, goodbyes, and keep, the pain, in, my, heart.
Our, empires gone, and returned, returned, to, the, sand.
Now, I sit, here, alone, with no one, to hold my hand
I’d, give up my heart, soul, and world, to thee above.
For just, one more day, with you, to try and earn back your love

(Chorus)
But yesterday’s dawn, has come, to an end.
Come today, I’m dethroned, I’ve become, Just, Another friend
Burn Up, our old pictures, and change our new ways.
We spend our evenings alone, and wait, for better days
My, dreams are shattered, and, my, heart, will break
The, night, has, ended.
And, still, I,
*sigh* Stay awake.
You, said you miss me, and yet I do to, feel the same.
And still we argue, about who’s to blame.
So, now I run, from your shadows, when you’re near
I, turn away, when you smile, your glee, I now, loathe and fear.
(Chorus)
But yesterday’s dawn, has come, to an end.
Come today, I’m dethroned, I’ve become, Just, Another friend
Burn Up, our old pictures, and change our new ways.
We spend our evenings alone, and wait, for better days
Now, time has passed, and, we, both, have, moved on
We, meet up, in a crossroad, our friendship, has, long since gone
I, look in your eyes, and say, “It’s good to see you again”
And, for that brief moment, we realize, what we could have been
(Chorus)
But yesterday’s dawn, has come, to an end.
Come today, I’m dethroned, I’ve become, Just, Another friend
Burn Up, our old pictures, and change our new ways.
We spend our evenings alone, and wait, for better days
(outro)

dangit..

finally had sleep last night.
i hate sleep.
sleep is for the weak.
i think ima pull off an all nighter again. doing pushups and playing guitar again.
and texting some friends.

bitter.

sweet.

at least its a bit sweet.
were just friends with a Godly relationship.
not friends with benifits.
we dont like each other sort of thing.
we just love each other.
as people.
bestest friend ever.
whole wide world.
if we only started things a different way.
not like what we used to be.

u know its really bad to make a promise. and break it.
we both learned that.
i promise most my friends and swore i would always be single.
wow. breaking it
puts all this into plan.
her?
hahaha. you know what you've said.
i hope you won't be too sure of yourself in the future.
otherwise things will happen a 3rd time.
i pray for you. and your friend who is also sick. that you may be guided by God through times like these. for new doors to open for you otherwise closed. and that you may be prepared and strengthened through the Lord. and in His name i tell the evil of seperation out. for love knows no record of wrongs. and that in the future we wouldn't make the same mistake again. otherwise, learn our lesson again.
in the name of Lord Jesus,
Amen.

now.

well me and aimee had a long talk.
and wow am i stupid hahaha.
we cleared some things up. hahaha
well at least we're best friends now.
i wonder whats the promise in that now.

i'm

sorry i messed up your freshman yr.
messed up part of your life
used my screwed up life to infectiously screw up yours.
sorry for being a loser with failed dreams
putting myself down in front of you
fell for you to only end up like this
never wrote you a song
can't sing
never had our song
never even got you anything
am gonna take off the bracelet you made for me telling me to never take it off and give it back
print out our pictures and place them facing down
for not having a heart to be broken
but im not even sure if you seem a bit sad.
you sorta seem like you like it so much better.
im not sad. just more in. wow. mode.

versedispersed (11:14:08 AM): cuz her dancing with other guys...thats already kinda seein what else is out there ...


its just...awkward.sorta.talking to you.as not who we used to be.
i guess i sorta know why someone ppl. when these things happen they dont talk anymore.
cuz its a promised. guaranteed
continuous hurt.
rather than forgetting.
but oh its so worth it.

one day...youll find someone different. out there.
i still dont know why you pulled a guy to get closer to you...
but its a dance. what could've i've expected?
for you not to dance?
i guess its just what happens.
iono...thats what i was told. as the "truth" ur cousin calls it.
i guess i'll consider myself played.
cuz i wouldn't even hug another girl.
or pull her to get close up to me.
but whatever.
i had no heart in the beginning...
someone took it..i thought you'd give it back.
but i know God has one for me..

sleep.

i will never sleep.
until i am dead.

i couldn't get much sleep last night. hahahaa. after the whole thing happened. but at least i rejoiced. and one of my friends who lives 50ish miles away helped me out. it was nice to know that another person i knew was one of my brothers in Christ. so i was on aim really til about 3ish. he was helping me. i was talking to Beavis. and i know i need to go through this experience. to understand some other sorts of people to reach out to. Basically, you won't get molded without these things to happen. which hurt. but. i refuse to fall from God from worldy thing. i showed my friend melody of verse. psalms 118:5-6 :
"In my anguish i cried out to the Lord,
and he answered by setting me free

The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid
What can man do to me?"

there you go. and really. God doesnt work by you helping others without going through it yourself. otherwise you'd be helping them for only man's reason. because God is th eonly one who can heal.
so i gave her that. maybe she felt like because i didnt go through it. i wouldnt know.
hmm iono. but here you go (:
just trying to set an example.
hahahaa.

well im about done with my lyrics now hahaha. for the other song.. so here:

relly weird timing. but it works if you hear the guitar part.
"indelible"

you know they say you can still be in a room full of people
but still just get, a piece of that lonely...ness...
and i'm not doctor, but if its closed, why dont you open yourself up
and let i heal. yeah.and maybe youre just seeing new things |
wondering where did all the good times go..it couldn't be destroyed so it was hidden.
sorta like the clouds and the red sun's reflection, that, i always see on your cheek.
and youre two curved fingers..yeah.

indelible..pictures
thrown into my head
just can't forget
so i just got to hide.

your heart is out of broken words.
but i know you've been searching
but none will ever satisfy..
except through Me..

and if I don't remember?
what is that to you...i see you.
if maybe it was the other direction.
maybe it wouldve lifted you up...
instead of down
and

the in...delible pictures.
you've put them into my head
how the whites so thick
when reaches the bottom and around

if i could've only trust the hand...
that fed..that kept me from being awake on the bed
and now im only off for a better feature
of myself. but i guess i gotta fall hard..before i acheive hard.

hmmm.

God is so good to me (:

gave me an experience of a lifetime. and philippians 4:4 says to rejoice. now that ive been dumped by someone i know that He's given me the experience and this experience to mold me into the person God created me to be. and im getting closer. and to get with someone else after another is adultery. as long as you become one. single rest of my life (: through every problem theres a promise and theres no testimony. without the test. thanks God. i truly know that you've got a promise for me.

if

only she didnt think she didnt bring me closer to God was a load of bs. would she also be lifted up. cuz she doesnt realize how much potential she has to be a great person in God. but Gods working through me. so she can become that great person God made her to be. cuz trust me shes been through more than me. which means she'll have much more understanding through God.but its sorta those kind of wakeup calls. you know? cuz God has feelings too. i sorta replacedHim i guess. i never learned my lesson as what He;s been trying to teach me. sorta like Moses. it got up the point where Moses wasnt able to go to the promised land anymore because of that.

well anyways ima go to bed now.

if youre reading this aimee.

hahhahaahhaha i really don't know what to say. i guess. im still the unsocial one from when i was with you. and i didnt know what to say.to now. i still don't know what to say. im relly sorry hahaha. i just pray that you may rejoice as i have. so you wouldnt be hurt. its sorta weird how youre sleeping or said u r right now. while im typing this. but hahahha. wow did i overreact. =/ thats the face you use when youre in a situation like this. so i just wanted to tell you. i suck. relly hahaha. but one day i won't. i won't suck to God. i'll at least try my best not to. cuz i messed up with you. i did with God. but youre not God. hahahaha. but youre the one whose brought me closer to Him. but i guess. now i'll have the time to work on my guitar. so i wouldnt fail this dream. cuz you were like. one of the only ones who believed in me and dreams. its sad how. i wont be able to cook for you.how we never had a song.how i never made you a song...how i refuse to commit adultery. but i hope God will lead you to someone even better than me. and dont make a 3rd mistake. cuz just because everything happens to you twice likes youve said. doesnt mean it wont happen a 3rd time. thats what i want to tell you. my best friend...Aimee Patricia D. Reyes. September 4, 1994. how akward my birthday will be...ive been thinking. oh well. its only my birthday. if we never met. if i was never born. even. what would be that to you?

its not like it can still happen. but. what is that to you? please dont cry. cuz only through God. that...

i love you.

morning.

so its already morning and i had the craziest dream ever. cuz my girlfriend aimee being a filipino had the hugest party ever that even my dad and famous ppl ended up being there. and i was like. wtheclk. how come im not there? and then i had my best friend melody come over to my house. and we decided to walk there. which is only like a 15 minute walk. but then it got weird and we ended up there the next day. and yeah. i woke up! hahaha. and then i took a shower and God showed me His love to me again. when i said thank you for this day He said you sin but i still let you live. because i love you so much. and i was like. dang...i mean like its the sort of thing you hear and youre like yeah i know that. but when God tells you that its just wow. hahaha. reminds me of other experiences i had this week. but yeah they unfortunately wont be here. since im starting from t oday. ahaha.

currently listening to: every little thing she does (no such thing)-john mayer.
cuz i wanna play guitar in life.

song.

so today i made a song. with some lyrics. inspired by jack johnson. hahaha. i usually can't make good songs. but this ones pretty tight (:< well. its sorta inspired by an old friend too hahaha. that i no longer talk to. and some pretty nice values. in the lyrics of course but like the whole bunch of poems ive written i hope you'll understand it when i ever do get something to record with.
and also got the cell group tomorrow! woot! can't wait to see beavis and others again. testify and open up.
oh. and finals today hahaha. i think i did good hahaha. injured my neck yesterday T___T
so it was hell for me to be keeping my 6'1 body on a desk sized for a 4'11 person's head down looking at the scantron the whole time. but i think i did well on my alg2, spanish, and chem finals.
during chem me and my poker buddies finished early. so we played poker for about an hour. it was funny cuz one round my friend joseph maxed. and i only had as pair of 3 -___- but i was so lucky that i ended up with a four of a kind. hahaha. gonna go play guitar now so yeah.

so..

After alot of failed attempts at trying to make one. stupid verification captcha thingy where you have to type the letters and numbers in. i finally made this.